My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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