we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
