btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
