so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
