Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
