I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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