I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
