I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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