That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You may now shotgun with the bride
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
