You can't special order awesome
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
