Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
