Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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