I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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