Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
