I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
