Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
