He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
