I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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