I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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