I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
