It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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