Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
