just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
