I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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