Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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