Cold hands, warm shart.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
