i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
