my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
love makes seman taste better
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
