I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How's work?
Spinning.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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