When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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