If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
