Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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