Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
