I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
