I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
3 2 1 whiskey
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
