my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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