Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
