absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
