I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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