after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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