I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize