hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
