i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He passed out mid-signature
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
