Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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