Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
