this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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