Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
