Whod you bang
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
