So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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