So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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