then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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