Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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