im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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