thus making me awesome and them whores
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
