he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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