He asked to "fluff my boner.."
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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