Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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