Please, let me fuck your mom
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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