I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
