It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
