The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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