i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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