Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
