he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
