I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
