We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
