This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
