Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
