What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
