I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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