Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
