i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize