Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize