I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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