he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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