I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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