Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize