Whatcha textin bout Willis?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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