Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
