So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
