I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
