dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize