Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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