He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
