The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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