I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
