if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
