Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
