Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
