Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize