Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
