what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
