There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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