I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
