me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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