Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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