Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
