I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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