I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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