Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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