hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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