he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
