Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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