Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
