i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize