Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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