We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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