i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
