he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
