sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He felt like a one man threesome
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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