I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
