I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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